SIR SLANTSALOT’S ANTHEM

January 7, 2026

Thank you for keeping me on my toes!

Verse 1

I clocked in early, badge on tight,
Coffee strong, floors look right.
Rows so clean you could draw a line.
Chairs arrow-straight, yeah that’s my pride.

Ashtrays gleamin’, stacked just so,
Slot lights blinkin’ in a row.
I step back thinkin’, “Lord have mercy”,
Then I see… one chair leanin’ jersey


Pre-Chorus

I know that tilt,
I know that crime.
That ain’t gravity,
That’s management time.


Chorus

Oh here comes Sir Slantsalot!
King of the crooked chair!
Leans one left, kicks one right,
Just to see if I care.

From the ashtrays to the slots,
Chaos in the air.
All hail Sir Slantsalot!
Ruler of the land of the crooked chair.


Verse 2

I straighten one, I straighten two,
I feel him watchin’ like he do.
I turn my back to fix a base,
He’s slidin’ sideways through the place.

MOD crown, invisible cape,
Weapon of choice: furniture shape.
A chair don’t move on its own,
That slant’s got fingerprints and a throne.


Pre-Chorus 2

Don’t blame the guests,
Don’t blame the floor.
This is a personal
Furniture war.


Chorus

Oh here comes Sir Slantsalot!
Smilin’ like he won the game.
One crooked chair, silent dare,
Yeah he knows my name.

From the change machine to keno square,
His mischief everywhere.
All hail Sir Slantsalot!
Ruler of the land of the crooked chair.


Bridge

“I just walked by…”
“Wasn’t me…”
“You sure that chair was straight?”
👀

Yeah.
I’m sure.


Verse 3

I fix ‘em fast, I fix ‘em clean,
Fastest chair-straightener ever seen.
He tilts one more just outta sight,
Like a raccoon workin’ graveyard night.

But hear this now, let it be known,
Every kingdom falls from a crooked throne.
‘Cause when I’m done, they stand at attention,
Military-grade furniture redemption.


Final Chorus

Oh beware Sir Slantsalot!
When the floor is calm and clear,
Every chair in perfect line.
That’s when I’m near.

Ashtrays straight, slots behave,
Order everywhere.
But legends live on forever,
In the land of the crooked chair.


Outro

Straightened again.
Checkmate, my lord.

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